What is strange is that after I posted the above comment, I later encountered the text container behaving exactly as I thought it should.
I also posted the comment before I realized how grouping works (entering a grouping by double-clicking). It's possible that I got thrown off by the alignment guides showing an alignment that I thought was the center, but was actually another object. I'm going to keep working on my file and if I figure out how to duplicate what I encountered, I will post the steps.
Possibly it's a bug, but since it is only my second full day working with the program it may really be user error.